After breaking up, did your ex girlfriend's attitude toward you suddenly change? Did she go from loving and needing you in her life one minute, to radically cold and distant the next?
Of course she did. And the reason your ex did this is very simple: she needs to bury her feelings for you before she can allow herself to move on.
If you were thinking that your ex suddenly doesn't love you anymore, you'd better think again. Emotional bonds that took months or years to form can't just be severed instantly or overnight. Your girlfriend still has emotions, good memories, and positive raw feelings for you that aren't so easily discarded. No matter how your breakup went down, there's no way she just woke up and decided one day that she's no longer in love with you.
So then what happened? How can your ex be ignoring you so easily, and seem so uncaring towards you after the breakup?
Your Ex Girlfriend's First Defense Mechanism: Shutting You Out
One of the biggest things you need to learn while trying to get your ex back is this: everything you had between the two of you is still there. But right now, in order to maintain her initial decision to break up with you? Your ex has pushed these feelings to the side, and is currently choosing to ignore them. She's intentionally shutting you out, and the only way she knows to accomplish this might seem cruel and harsh.
If you let her do this, those memories will fade. The attachments your girlfriend feels toward you will slowly dissolve away, leaving only a few good recollections of your past relationship.
Instead, you need to draw out your ex's feelings for you. This needs to be done slowly and gently, so as not to scare your ex away. Trying to shake her down for answers or chase her too hard will only make your girlfriend run in the opposite direction. Yet doing nothing at all is wrong too, which is why you need to walk the fine line between maintaining her interest through lack of contact while gently reminding your ex of the value of your relationship.
Signs That Your Exgirlfriend Still Has Feelings For You
Whenever an ex girlfriend is utterly and completely done with you, she'll eliminate contact. Which is why if your ex is still keeping in touch with you on some level? It's a strong sign that she's still interested in keeping you in her life - one way or another.
How can you know if your ex girlfriend still loves you? By recognizing these signals:
* She maintains some form of contact, even just by email or occasional text-message
* Your exgirlfriend wants to be friends with you after the break up, and tells you so
* Your girlfriend asks for a 'break' instead of a breakup, in which case she wants you to wait around
* You find out your ex has been asking around about you, and whether or not you're dating someone
* Your ex girlfriend calls "just to see how you're doing", or something equally vague
* She shows up at your job, home, or school, but pretends she just ran into you
* Your ex calls you while drunk, or late at night when she's lonely and vulnerable
No matter what she says or does, if your ex is keeping the lines of communication open between the two of you? Odds are good she's hedging her bets. And by that, I mean your exgirlfriend is keeping her options open... and one of those options includes going back out with you, if the situation was right.
What To Do When You're Not Sure If She Still Loves You
In some cases, things won't be so cut and dry. Maybe all the contact is coming from your end, and she's only minimally responding to it. Or perhaps your ex girlfriend is sending you mixed signals, and you don't want to take them the wrong way. In either case, you need additional info.
From here, you need to figure out just how much your ex girlfriend misses you. If you've been foolish enough to keep up contact or try to be friends with her, she probably doesn't miss you at all. Instead of disappearing from her life and creating a definite need to see you again, you've been playing her game and staying right where she wants you. Without knowing it, you've become her safety net. This isn't going to help get your girlfriend back at all, and in fact, it will probably hurt your chances.
Now if you're having trouble getting your ex girlfriend to pay more attention to you? You'll need to be a little more proactive about how you're handling the situation. Even from your current position of disadvantage, there are methods and techniques that will turn your ex around and give you back some of the control over what happens next. Learning these methods will put you back in the driver's seat, and will regain your ex girlfriend's interest pretty quickly.
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